I Would Be Your Girl
by catniphawthorne
Summary: It feels like an age ago her house had been filled with laughter / character death.


a/n; be warned *grabs tissues*  
so I felt like writing something really angsty and really depressing for dramione, not sure why! I got the idea from the teaser trailer of katy perry's the one that got away vid, a very lovely and yet sad quote that I find to be beautiful all the same. I know it's short and the tenses are weird but I still hope you guys like it! Its rated M for character death FYI, so yeah. please go check out my other dramione fics? cheers. song recommendations- the one that got away, katy perry.

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_In another life, I would be your girl._

_We'd keep all our promises._

_Be us against the world. _

_In another life, I would make you stay. _

_So I don't have to say you were.._

_The one that got away._

They say when someone you love in your life dies you're supposed to grieve..grieve and move on. You're meant to spend a mere fraction of your life crying and moping about but you're meant to get over it, to eventually forget about that person. Most people think it should hurt but you can move on, those people have no idea, they don't understand because they haven't lost the one they love. They simply don't know. It's not as simple or as easy just to forget about the other half of you, the half that made you a whole. It's like you've lost an arm, a leg, a lung, an eye, like you've lost half of you and you will never work or be the same again, it's not just the death of them but the death of you in a respect. The death of who you used to be, and who you will never be again.

* * *

She stares into the distance, her eyes not leaving the blank spot on the wall. Her hands are curled in her lap, her legs tucked underneath herself. The fire flickers in the place, casting dark shadows across the white walls and her pale, thin face. Her hair hangs in lank strands around her cheeks, her eyes are dead; hollow as though literally, the lights are on but no one is home. Her expression is neutral, blank, cleaned of all emotion and expression. She looks little sat on the large double bed they picked out together, she remembered picking it out; Draco throwing her onto it, whilst she erupted in giggles; she couldn't even remember what it was like to giggle, it had been so long since she had laughed. Draco had made her laugh most days, either with a joke or an action, the house had always been filled with laughter, now it hadn't heard any in months.

She never leaves this room, besides to get food or shower. For the first few weeks she didn't even do that, she just stayed in bed; not sleeping, merely staring into the distane as she was now, tears trickling down her cheeks. Harry had been the one to break it, he had been the one to get her sitting up and eating, to get her to shower; he had actually slept on her sofa for the first couple of weeks, just to make sure she was eating, to make sure she was taking care of herself. He had only left to go home finally to his wife; even then Astoria had insisted he stay or get Hermione to move in with them. She had refused their ideas and Harry had left, though he still came to check on her once a week, just to restock her fridge and force her into washing.

It was like her life had stopped, as though the moment in time had frozen and she was simply living in that moment of time. Of course she knew that wasn't the case, she knew things were still going on, she knew that her business was still going and her family and friends were incredibly concerned. She knew her inlaws missed her but she simply couldn't bare to see them, to see the sun glint of their hair in the way it had of Draco's. She couldn't stand the thought of facing their sad faces, the expression that probably reflected her own. Her friends hadn't seen her in months, she had refused all invitations to go to anything, and had locked the others out, she had literally cut herself off from the world because she couldn't bare to be a part of it without him.

Only 3 months had gone since the tragic event; it had been just after Christmas, just after the season of beauty and the season of love; of cuddling in front of the fire and trading gifts. Hermione supposed she should be thankful, thankful she got to spend at least Christmas before it had all come crashing down, though somehow Hermione couldn't see that as a blessing. She couldn't see anything as a blessing now days, she just couldn't bring herself to feel any other emotion than sadness. Her emotions were ruled with grief, her entire composure taken over by sadness, it was horrible and words like 'depression' were constantly associated with her now, not that she listened. She didn't really listen to anything or anyone, not anymore.

Hermione had always known his job was associated with danger; being a dark wizard catcher was tough, but being the head of the entire squadron came with even more danger. Of course she had always feared him away at work, terrified that he wouldn't be coming home, her fear had been confirmed the day a faceless Auror had turned up at the door with Harry by his side, she had smiled at first in greeting before the expressions on their face had turned her smile into a frown..she had immdiately known something was wrong. She had barely heard the words, instead despair infultrating her body at the truth. She had fallen to the floor, her knees hitting the wood of the hallway, her hand falling from the doorknob, tears streaming down her cheeks.

Closing her eyes against the smoke of the fire, her mind flashed back to Harry's face; she could still hear her own screams of despair as she realised. She could still see her own expression reflected in Harry's eyes, it had been the single most agonising moment of her life, the single worst she had ever felt. A tear streaked down her cheek and she didn't even bother to wipe it away, what was the point? It wasn't like anyone could see.

Hermione hates crying, she always has. When he had been...well when Draco was around he would always wipe her tears and kiss her eyelids and her cheeks, he couldn't bear to see her cry, couldn't bear to see her sad. It was the same vise versa, though Draco rarely cried, however whenever he did Hermione would wipe his tears and kiss his cheeks and soon they would be hugging, the grief not forgotten but mollified slightly, thanks to one another. Of course there was no way to mollify Hermione's tears now, no one to kiss her eyelids and hug her tight, and there never would be again.

She hates herself for becoming so weak, for becoming so god damn beaten down. She just doesn't see the point anymore, what was the point in walking through the day only to return to an empty house? What was the point in earning money when she had nothing and no one to spend it on? Her life had come to a standstill as everything seemed pointless, even living seemed pointless now. Her eyes flicker up as she hears the movement of the door opening and she knows it's Harry coming to stock her fridge up and sit with her for an hour or two, is it Wednesday already? She's forgotten, she doesn't exactly keep track now days, she doesn't bother even checking the month or the date. She's almost sure it's March or maybe April, the day could be anything, she honestly doesn't care.

"Hermione"

He calls her name and she moves slowly to her bed, pulling back the covers and snuggling down, her body still rigid against the comfortable side of the bed. Her eyes shut but she doesn't sleep, it would be kinder to say hi to Harry, to at least acknowledge him but she doesn't need it now, doesn't need his sad glances, sighs and pleadings, she would much rather fake sleep and avoid the pity party for another week. Curling her fingers around her pillow, she allows her hair to fall in strands across her face, not bothering to move it. The fire remains roaring in the place, she hadn't bothered to put it out...that was always Draco's job, right up until the day he died.

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so yeah sad or what?

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